Hi. I’m Nobody, and I have a new toy.
Shiiiiny.
So who’s making ice cream? (I know I am.)
Grab a pot! A nice deep one.
And answer the phone. Three times. Also let your neighbour in to borrow a few eggs. And find the key to the shed for your uncle...
Once you’ve run everyone out of the house, get back to your ice cream.
But first. Lock the door, and unplug the phone.
You can never be too safe!
Here's the lineup.
I'm making diabetic-friendly ice cream today, so I'm using Splenda. A little less'll do ya!
(My salt shaker is also ugly...)
Pour in about ½ a cup of the sweet stuff.
If you’re using Splenda, try not to breathe in while you’re doing this.
I mean, unless you like inhaling airborne sucralose.
(Whatever flicks your switch!)
A dash of salt.
It helps here if you have a pair of slightly chubby, cute hands to help you out.
Wanna borrow mine? :D
In goes a cup and a half of milk.
(Pouring skills: superior.)
Now whisk it. Whisk it good!
Drop that pan on the stove and cook it until it steams.
The recipe instructs us to crack two whole eggs here, but…
I thought to myself, "Why not just use four egg yolks?"
Why, indeed.
Just be careful tempering them.
(Scrambled eggs have never really caught on in ice cream!)
They’ll need to cook 3 minutes or so.
When it’s done, you should have a really smooth, silky-looking pale-yellow-y type of liquid.
Swirl it around to get a feel for it. It’s an art, really.
Like ballet.
Pirouette, arabesque!
What form! What gra-…
Oops.
At this point, you’ll want to fish your spoon from the custard…
(And remind yourself that you didn’t miss your calling as a ballerina.)
Next, grab your cheesecloth and strain the custard.
(Yeah, mad pouring skills.)
Go ahead and refrigerate this. It needs to be cooled off for later.
Heck, YOU need to cool off.
I suggest a long nap near an air conditioner. It IS July, after all.
Fresh from your nap, grab these.
Yeahyeah, it’s artificial vanilla. I told you there weren’t no ‘fancy’ up in here.
Now, measure out that heavy cream. 1 ¾ cups of it.
I know you’re on a diet. It’s okay. Really.
Just make a sacrifice to the Ice Cream Gods. (Your waistline will do just fine.) It’s all good.
This is a TREAT, after all.
Pour in some vanilla.
Swirl it around, but hang on tight to that spoon!
We don’t need to be rescuin’ no more cutlery.
Grab your tub.
If you’re using a Hamilton Beach Ice Cream Maker, it’s a freeze and go type of affair.
Or if you have one of those rock salt and ice types...
Well, you're on your own there. :x
Plop ‘er down inside the uhn… outside. Thing. Yeah.
And pour in those liquid calories.
Mmm, delicious calories.
Click the cover into place and turn it on immediately!
Whew. That was hard work!
Since you’ve got a few minutes. (And you’ve already had your mid-afternoon nap.)
You have time to make a batch of THIS.
And you want to.
Trust me.
You really do.
In about 15 minutes, this is what my ice cream looked like.
It’s all creamy. And pale yellow. And vanilla-smell-y.
When the machine starts backfiring and throwing itself into reverse, it‘s done.
So haul out the paddle.
And lick it off. (I won’t tell.)
The next few moments were a blur.
A delicious blur.
Old Fashioned Vanilla Ice Cream
Source: Owner's Manual, Hamilton Beach Ice Cream Maker
1 1/2 cups whole milk
3/4 cup granulated sugar (or 1/2 cup splenda)
1/8 tsp salt
2 whole eggs (or 4 egg yolks!)
1 3/4 cups whipping cream
1 tsp vanilla extract
1. In a heavy saucepan, combine sugar, salt and milk. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally unitl mixture is steaming. Reduce heat to low.
2. In a medium bowl, slightly beat eggs. (or yolks!) Slowly whisk half of the hot mixture into the eggs and pour back into the saucepan. Cook over medium-low heat until slightly thick, about 3 minutes. Remove from heat and refrigerate until chilled or overnight. (I suggest straining before refrigerating.)
3. When ready to make ice cream, stir heavy cream and vanilla into the chilled custard mixture.
4. Start ice cream maker and pour mixture through hole in lid. (Or don't read the instructions and do it like me... :x)
5. Churn for 20-40 minutes or until desired consistency.
Now, I'm going to be straight with you.
This wasn't the absolute best ice cream I've ever had.
It melted really fast at first... And then it froze rock solid. But the taste was good (despite the dreaded Splenda), and I did tamper with it, just a bit.
However.
I will tell you my next plan of attack.
It involves this, and this... and some of this.
And yeah. I ate all the cookie dough.
With a spoon.
It was delicious.
And I'm not sorry.
